Tired

I am just so extremely tired both physical and mentally right now. Today just walking for 10 minutes made me wonder if I would make it home during Stella’s and my morning walk. I did, in fact I managed to walk for 2½ hours on pure stubbiness and for Stella’s wellbeing.

The hardest part to accept is that when I’m this tired I don’t get anything done at home, heck I really don’t get anything done unless I absolutely have to (Stella’s wellbeing and work being the two major ones). I just sit.

Another huge problem is that my mind races around in different directions and doesn’t stay for very long in any of them. Often it returns to things that have happened in the past and that I can’t change. Things that in fact can have had a positive effect later but perhaps could have been handled a bit better. Nothing can stop it. Yoga can but only for the moment I’m doing it and that is because I have to concentrate so hard to get everything right. My dreams are really weird right now. I keep waking up which means I don’t get enough sleep which certainly doesn’t help the situation.

I don’t get much sewing done, I can’t concentrate to read books and since yesterday my walks are getting disturbed too.

I try really hard to think of positive things but right now not even that works. I try to think of the blessings I have in my life, doesn’t work.

I have now put a lot of hope that Thursday’s Ayurvera session with Mattias will start the walk up hill again.

And the thought of Stella, well, she is definitive the one that keeps me hanging on to the rope.